Dew You Know

Dear Dad
So many years have passed us by
Our relationship strained
And I ask my self why
These words run together so I must go slow
I see what I want to say
But it just won’t flow

I remember your expression
When you had Neshia and you had me
I remember telling my mom
I wanted to go live with my daddy
You wouldn’t give us whoopings
Said you couldn’t bear to hurt me
I knew it
So a lot of things I did
Just to hear you call me your Jive Turkey

As I got older we just grew apart
I can cut you out of my mind
But never out of my heart

Mom would say that we were just way too much alike
I would always disagree but I knew that she was right
You gave us pride
And you were just way to smart
Integrity, Dignity and that’s just the start
You lived for the love of living
Surpassing struggle and strife
Though your body is gone now
Your spirit is here
In full life

I know I never said it but Thank You
For who I am
The person I will become and the places I have been
Thank you for my life in which your spirit passes through
And since I didn’t get one last chance
Dear Dad I Love You Too

Amen

Heavy Children
There’s not enough room on this couch for me
No room for the weight I carry
I am too large to be here
To be laying here
Lying around
Here
Feeling the sack
Filling my face with the taste of creams that add to my weight
The weight I carry
The burden I bare
That add to my eating
Eating away my life
To drown out the pain
And push aside the heart
That’s broken
Because my life
Is broken
Like my parents
Are broken
Like their love was broken
And mom had to feed us
And she does a good job
Cuz I am too heavy for this couch
These problems are too heavy for me
I should stand up
But I am too weak to stand
Or so I have been told
I am too young to stand
But I was old enough to protect mommy
From his swinging hand
And to move furniture when he put us out
I was old enough
Old, enough
Really I don’t remember being young
Just heavy
Too heavy for this couch
Like my worry is heavy
Like this couch is heavy
I’ve moved it more than once
Like a bullet is heavy
Too heavy for the ceiling
When he shot in it
Cuz he needed to show authority
And the music blasting
In my ear
While I pretend not to be bothered
On a school night
Was not working
4 rooms really isn’t enough space
For 4 people
And a couch
Where I lay
Too heavy
Too torn
Too confused to admit too daddy
That he’s not a father
Because he loves alcohol
More than us
We are not enough
So I have to get heavier
So Dad can see me
So I can be noticed
So he can save us
From this
Save himself
From himself
And we can all
Be light
Again
But for now
Until that day
I will just lie
Here
Too heavy
For this couch